The Michelangelo Confessions
by anime girl4
Summary: Excerpts from Mikey's journals. Come and enter the mind of Michelangelo as he muses on issues ranging from the serious to the completely absurd such as, you know, ant eaters. Each chapter is focused around a certain theme. THEME 3: PIZZA.
1. THEME 1: Father

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'em! But I have tried to kidnap them…

**Author's Note: **Hello everyone! This is my first time venturing into the TMNT fandom, so I'm a little nervous. I only recently discovered all the wonderful stories written about the turtles! I've never written in first person before or about the TMNT, so please let me know what you think.

-anime girl-

x x x x x

**Theme # 1: Father **

**1:32 a.m.  
**

Master Splinter died on Thursday. We buried him today -- only a few hours ago.

My father is dead.

It's weird, writing it out. I can barely say it. I feel like I'm in some crazy dream. Donny is always telling me not to eat cheese puffs before I go to sleep. But I mean its cheese! How can anyone ignore the cheesy goodness contained in each bite?

I guess he's right though. This is all just a weird cheese puff induced dream. Yeah, I'm just going to stop writing in this dumb thing and wake up.

x x x x x

**1:45 a.m. **

So.

I'm not dreaming. All I succeeded in doing was opening a new bag of cheese puffs.

I never really thought about Splinter dying. I know he was old, but you never notice it when he's kicking your shell every day during training. He wasn't even sick. He went to sleep and then the next morning he was…dead.

God, what was the last thing I said to him? Was it some stupid joke? I can't remember.

We buried him at April's farm. Right near a patch of apple trees. I think he'd like being there, especially in the spring with all the blossoms and stuff.

April's the one who did most of the talking in remembrance of him. It was really nice too. I don't think the rest of us could get through a formal speech. There was too much grief and too much to say about him. I was crying, loudly, for most of it. My brothers were near though. Donny with his hand on my back. Raph standing next to me silently crying, solid and strong although I knew he felt just as bad as me. And Leo next to Raph, watching over it all with a tear-streaked face.

We all said our own little piece to him quietly. Leo said this whole thing in Japanese. Splinter would have loved it. I wish I'd known the language. I used to know some way back when, but the only word I recognized was _Otou-san_. Father.

We used to call Splinter that when we were a lot younger. He had been trying to teach us the language. Even now, I'm not really good at remembering new words (and in a different language!). I wasn't way back then either. I somehow morphed the word into "Toe-Toe." I remember Splinter being confused by it.

"Toe-Toe, let's watch cartoons!"

He hadn't responded so I grew annoyed. I pulled on his fur. "Toe-Toe!"

Splinter looked down at me, confusion in his eyes. "You mean me, Michelangelo?"

I nodded vigorously. "Yep, you're my Toe-Toe."

Splinter looked confused for a few moments before he pulled a face. Looking back on it, I think he was trying not to laugh, but my four-year-old mind thought he was mad or something. I asked in a small voice, "You…You are, right?"

He smiled and placed a hand on my head. "Yes, my son." I pressed myself against his fur and felt warm and safe. My Toe-Toe.

That was the memory I had going through my head as Leo stepped down and moved back for me to say my piece to our father. I stood there staring at his fur and suddenly remembered the time I had dyed patches of his fur blonde.

I had been convinced I wanted to be a barber when I grew up (well, that was my dream that week anyway; next week I think it was an ice cream truck driver). Splinter had agreed to let me practice on him. But it wasn't my fault that the bottle looked like shampoo. Honestly, how's a dude supposed to know what would happen? I thought "bleached to perfection" was the hip new way to say "cleaned."

I felt miserable about the whole thing until he had asked me quietly later with a secret smile, "Hmm. So, Michelangelo, I think I am as cool as those people on the television now, don't you?"

Remembering those words, I'd suddenly had the crazy urge to laugh. Laugh! At my own father's funeral!

Then more memories and images came to my mind. Splinter at Christmas dressed up as Santa Clause. Splinter having a debate with me over the necessity of eating pizza every day (I, of course, arguing for it). His face trying to remain serious when I'd called him Toe-Toe the first time. And again him with blond patches on his fur.

I snorted with laughter then, and hastily got up before I did anything crazier.

I'm laughing now thinking about it.

I feel like I'm being…I dunno, disrespectful. Am I laughing at death? At **his** death? I know I've done plenty of stupid things, but this might be the worst. It even tops the time I tried to make Splinter breakfast in bed and ended up giving him tomato soup mixed with Corn Pops. If I remember right, it was because I thought milk was too boring a color. Splinter had a cold then so he really couldn't taste that well. Plus the lighting in his room was pretty dim. It wasn't until halfway through the meal that he'd noticed something wrong…

…

ARGH!

I'm laughing again. Jeeze, I can't even keep serious on one of the worst days of my life. Maybe I do have a shell for brains like Raph is always saying.

I need to get my mind off this. Maybe I'll watch some TV.

x x x x x**  
**

**2:48 AM **

OK, so I didn't watch any TV. I had planned on it, but had to go to the bathroom first. And I started thinking and I guess I had a…a revelation of sorts.

In the bathroom. I've thought of lots of different stuff in there before too. Yes, it appears that I, Michelangelo, get inspiration from the bathroom. If only I was a famous rock star or something. I could start a fad.

Anyway, back to that revelation of mine. Trying to distract myself from thinking about death and Splinter I thought, "Man, we really need to paint the walls in here." Well, wall paint turns out not to be an interesting topic to brood on, so I started thinking about Splinter again.

And then I thought that maybe it's not a bad thing that I'm thinking about him like this. Maybe…maybe instead of saying my goodbye to him in Japanese like Leo, my way of honoring his memory could be by remembering him. By laughing, smiling, even crying when I think of him, I'm honoring him.

He really was an amazing person. Warrior. Teacher. Friend. Father.

I won't forget him. I have too many great things to remember about him. So, I think even though he's not here anymore physically, a part of him will always be a part of me. I'll keep him alive in always remembering him and keeping him close to my thoughts.

And I'll always remember that he really did look pretty cool with blond streaks.

Ha.

Sheesh. It's almost three in the morning already. I better get some sleep.

x x x x x

**3:01 am**

Oh yea, one more thing.

Thank you for everything. I love you, my Toe-Toe.


	2. THEME 2: Fear

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'em! But I have tried to kidnap them…

**Author's Note: **Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I would have had this chapter out sooner, but move in day and classes at college distracted me. : )

I love all opinions and advice. If you read, please review!

**x x x x x **

**Theme # 2: Fear**

There's a lot of stuff that scares me.

Ant eaters, for instance. I can't decide whether they look more like monkeys or bears. And their noses or mouths or whatever they are…they're just so bizarre! Of course, this sounds really odd coming from a mutant turtle, but I can't help it! Imagine if a hoard of ant eaters were to engulf the world. I'd totally flip. You would too I bet!

Well, of course, 'you' are just a journal and can't really think. I'll have to give this journal a name I suppose, so that I can feel better about addressing it… like… umm… Hector.

I dub thee **HECTOR THE JOURNAL**.

Anyway, Hector, let's move on.

Hmm. O yea, ant eaters. Now that I think about it, ant eaters are more like something that freaks me out rather than something that really scares me. It's not that kind of fear that stays with you under the surface. I'm talking about the type of fear that's recurrent and deeper; it doesn't come in a rush of adrenaline like from watching a horror flick…or from, you know, seeing ant eaters.

I'm afraid of change.

Isn't that kind of weird? Lots of people want change. They see it as a way to move on in life, a way to gain new perspectives and experiences. Seriously, I just heard that on a commercial for some university: "Make a change in your life and come to blah blah blah-dy University!"

I hated change when I was growing up. When my brothers and I were younger, we had a lot in common. Of course we were each different, but it wasn't as pronounced as it is now. Maybe it was just because when you're younger you seem to know less about the world; everything is simpler in a way because you can't understand it yet, and if you try to understand it, you fit into a kid's more limited view.

But of course, people grow up and begin to understand things more. I noticed us changing little by little. Leo became more focused, more involved in studying ninjitsu. Don seemed to learn in tons of different fields more readily and much faster than I could ever keep up with. And Raph…Raph just got…angry, I suppose. At the world I guess? For being different? For knowing we would most likely never be accepted by the world at large? I'll probably never know exactly. He just grew more angry and frustrated and the only outlet he had to lash out at was us. I just know that arguments broke out more often, mostly between him and Leo.

I'm so scared it will go way beyond repair one day and then everything will change.

That's also not to say that I don't like who my brothers are now either. I love those big green dudes no matter how annoying they can get. Heck, it would be boring if we weren't so different!

But…what makes me hate and fear change so much is that I can't see how **I've **grown and changed. It's as though I'm a rock stuck to the ground, while everyone else is a feather, susceptible to the flowing wind during life. Everyone is moving around me while all I can do is stay still, stuck to the ground, and watch them slip away…

One day I might end up all alone.

I suppose that's my other big fear: being alone. I'm not afraid of, say, being alone in a room by myself. I write in you, oh dear Hector, when I'm alone in my room. I guess I mean the kind of alone where I'm not connected with anyone anymore. I need my family. And I guess I've come to need April and Casey too.

I get stir crazy when I'm alone too long. Talking, laughing, even arguing…I crave that interaction with other people. And I mean my "other people" options are a bit limited given my circumstances. But I don't really mind. I love my brothers, my father, our friends. With them, I don't feel that oppressive numbness that comes with the thought that I could some day end up by myself, with nothing to love except old memories swirling around in my mind.

It can be really tough at times, but I don't let fears like this pin me down. If I dwell on them all the time, they would fester and sprout into something I couldn't control.

Whenever it does start to get to me though, I remember the first time Splinter talked to me about being afraid. I was about nine or ten years old and I'd just had a nightmare about something (I vaguely remember there being a talking coconut).

"If you want to stop being afraid, Michelangelo, you need to become greater than what you are scared of. Find something stronger than your fear and use it to gain courage. Can you think of something you would use, my son?"

I couldn't think of anything, not then anyway. Splinter may be good at intellectual conversation at three in the morning, but I was tired and still scared (that coconut must have been pretty terrifying). It wasn't until a few days later that I found my answer. It was because of Raph actually.

When most people were kids, they tended to play outside and explore a bit. This exploration can be in a yard, a park, a street corner…well, you get the picture. Of course, when we were kids, we couldn't really do stuff like that as easily. Splinter had forbidden us to go to the surface and we had specific boundaries in the sewers we weren't supposed to go beyond.

Naturally, we all went beyond those boundaries at some point when we were kids. When Raph decided to go further down one tunnel, I was the one he chose to go with him. Well, in all honestly it was more like I was the only one he could sucker into going. Raph was always the brother I looked up to. He was much bolder than I was and not a lot seemed to scare him. I didn't feel as afraid with him for some reason. I guess I still feel that way now.

But anyway, he'd convinced me to come along on his little adventure and we had been walking for maybe twenty minutes. By this point we couldn't go very fast because there wasn't much light, even with the flashlight we'd brought.

"Hey Raphie," I said eyeing some guck I'd just gotten on my hands, "Maybe we should go back now. There's nothing even out here."

Raph turned around towards me, sighing. "C'mon, you said you wouldn't chicken out on me."

I sniffed indignantly. "I'm not a chicken! But it's really icky here. What are you looking for anyway?"

"It's not any grosser here than normal. Just a bit longer."

He didn't answer my question, but I let it drop. It seemed to get dimmer as we went on and the air had a stifling feeling too it. When the ground below me gave an ominous creak, I had to stop. It was just getting too creepy. "Raphie. It's too dark."

I thought for sure he was going to start on about me being a chicken again, but something in my face must have made him change his mind. "Okay, jeeze. I ain't gonna let anything happen too ya, but we'll go back."

He walked past me to lead the way back when that 'ominous creak' turned into a 'loud crack' below his feet. All I could do was watch as my brother fell down into the earth.

"Raphie! Raphie! Can you hear me? Raph!" My head was ringing from the echo of the crash and my own yelling, but I didn't care. All my focus was on the hole that had been where he had occupied a moment before on firm ground.

It seemed ages before a light shot out from the darkness. For a moment all I could think was that aliens had beamed down to Earth and kidnapped my brother. Then I remembered that he had the flashlight.

"Raphie?"

Two coughs and a groan, then, "I-I'm okay."

I sighed in relief, trying to calm down my heart that was still pounding. "Can you climb out? I think it's too deep for me to reach you."

I inched forward to try to put my arm down the hole.

"Don't!" Raph shouted. "It's too far and you could fall. You…You're gonna have to go back, Mikey. My leg's stuck." I heard sniffling. "It really hurts. And there's…there's a lot of crawly stuff like bugs down here."

He sounded so small and frightened, I had to force back my own tears. I wanted him out of there. Now. "I'll be back quick, Raph!"

I turned and ran. Into the compressing darkness I hated and all alone, I ran faster than I had ever done before. When I finally got back home, Splinter rushed towards the tunnel Raph and I had gone down with greater speed than I'd ever seen him move with, even during training.

Splinter was able to get Raph safely out. He had a sprained ankle and a rather scratched up leg, but he was alright. Although ever since then, he's always hated any type of bug.

It wasn't until later on that night, when I had snuck onto the end of Raph's bed to assure myself that he was still safe that I realized what I had done. I hadn't been afraid of the darkness or of being alone because I'd had one goal in mind: saving Raph. I put aside my own fears in the face of his needs and in doing so I had achieved what Master Splinter had been talking about.

So although now it doesn't always take Raph tumbling down a hole for me to get over my fears, it made me realize that I can use that "something greater" to fight my fears.

And I suppose if I look hard enough, I'll always find something greater.


	3. THEME 3: Pizza

**Author's Note: **I decided to give Mikey a break and write about one of his favorite things to eat. Plus Leo gets a part in this excerpt. AND I GOT TO MEET LEONARDO! Well…not really. But I DID meet Mike Sinterniklaas who voices Leo on the new series. He was hilarious. He talked a lot faster than Leo though, so it was kinda weird to hear Leo's voice that way. Oh…and a random tidbit I learned is that he does all the burps for the show. : )

Anyway, I've gone on long enough, but before I get to the story I just wanted to thank all those who reviewed! I love feedback. If you read, please do review!

x x x x x

**Theme # 3: Pizza**

**1:20 PM**

I just realized something extraordinary…no, scratch that, I just realized something EARTH SHATTERING today. I have tons of different journals I've written in over the years -- ever since I was a scrawny, little dude. But I tend to ignore those earlier ones seeing as how my young mind was still developing into the genius that it has become today.

Mwahahaha!

Umm…yea…back to that something EARTH SHATTERING. This morning I'd slept right through getting up for practice, and Leo had to come in and wake me up. It's not the first time I've been late, so I have to do extra training sessions later today. It wasn't my fault those old reruns were on Nickelodeon. Those shows would be lonely if no one tuned in to watch them. Was I supposed to just abandon them?

But Master Splinter didn't really seem open to my argument. So, he was giving me a speech about how I "need to focus my energy on more lucrative activities."

Well "lucrative" was way too big a word to comprehend at ten in the morning so I just nodded. Then he said something about how I had to "keep track of what is important." So while I was nodding at this I realized that in all my journals, I haven't written solely about the single most important food ever.

**Pizza**.

Yes, dear journal, you have been introduced to the wonderful world of pizza.

I mean, just the word itself is pretty unique. How many words have two z's in a row? And how many of those words taste oh so delicious?

Not any that I can think of, except pizza.

And pizza can have so many different toppings: pepperoni, sausage, bacon, peppers, hamburger, pineapple, salami, extra cheese, more extra cheese, and the list goes on. Pizza can never get boring!

Of course, with so many possibilities, it can get tricky at times. There are certain toppings that must be avoided at all costs. Like anchovies.

Anchovies equals evil from a world ruled by thousands of mini Shredders all wearing bathing suits. THE HORROR!

It is a sad, sad time when a pizza is marred by such a travesty! What's even sadder is I think Master Splinter may have fallen into this black abyss. I think he snuck in an order of supreme pizza about a week ago. With anchovies. Ah man, I'll have to make sure he doesn't succumb to such a thing!

And anchovies aren't the only danger pizza eaters of the world have to be careful about. A high culprit on the list of evil doing toppings is Fluff.

Yes…Fluff. How do I know about this curiously odd topping not normally associated with pizza?

Leo.

Ya see, when we were about ten-ish, we had a pizza making contest. We had to move to a different part of the sewers for a while because of construction. Master Splinter didn't want to risk being found or anything I guess. It was only for about two weeks, but man it was pretty cramped. There were only two kinda makeshift rooms that we were able to come across and Leo, Don, and Master Splinter all snore. And when they sleep near each other they have this really weird snoring conversation that's very loud. Very, very loud.

Trust me, its no fun sleeping in the same room with them. I even had a nightmare about a snoring monster with a turtle's head and a rat's tail. Of course, then I woke everyone up because I was so freaked out and was convinced I might grow a rat's tail for a few minutes. But I mean who could blame me?

People of the world, fear the snores of your family members!

Umm…anyway, back to Fluff and pizza. We were pretty much bored out of our minds by the end of the week because we'd run out of fun stuff to do since we'd only taken what was necessary owing to the lack of space.

But we had a working stove and oven. So of course the answer was to experiment making the most unique and best tasting pizza ever!

We teamed up into pairs randomly, and I got put with Leo. Leo can be a very determined turtle when he sets his mind on something, and he really, really wanted to win the contest we had going on.

"Okay Mikey," he told me rubbing his hands together, "We can do this if we just concentrate really hard on the best stuff to put on the pizza."

Well, I was more concerned with eating the pizza than putting it together. Plus I was a little grumpy due to certain people's snores. "I thought you knew what to put onto the pizza already. You seemed really sure earlier."

"Wait, you mean you don't have any clue how to do this?"

I glanced over at Raph and Don. Raph was smiling pretty smugly. "Uh…I'm really good at tasting the pizza. Maybe Master Splinter shouldn't be the tester. I could do it…"

"You can't back out now Mikey!" Leo patted my shoulder. "If we set our minds on doing this, we can win! We just need to have…um…persistence in spirit and body."

That was **so** something Splinter would say, I thought. I eyed my brother with an impish grin, "Have you been reading Master Splinter's books?"

Leo seemed almost embarrassed for a moment, but then straightened. "Yeah, they can help us you know."

I wrinkled my nose. "I bet you they never said anything about making a pizza."

Leo itched his shoulder, a habit which meant he was thinking up a plan. "One of the books said to 'use your surroundings to your advantage. If at all possible, improvise in your attack pattern to utilize what is around you.'"

Thinking it was kind of cool that he could remember whole lines from a book when I could barely remember the new moves we'd been taught earlier that day, I responded excitedly, "So…maybe we can use something totally different and really surprise them! We'll be like the super amazing chef duo! But…I dunno…what we could use, Leo?"

I looked at him then, sure he would come up with a plan. It was strange in a way, but I'd always relied on Leo if I never knew exactly what to do.

He scratched his shoulder again for a moment and then rushed off towards a battered cabinet we were using to store some food. He returned quickly, stealthily hiding an object behind his hand. He grinned at me. "This is our secret weapon."

"Uh…Leo, you know that's Fluff, right?" I'd thought for a moment that maybe the stress of making a pizza was getting to my brother. I mean, he ruled at kicking my shell in training practice, but he'd never tried to make food beyond a bowl of cereal.

"Well, Fluff tastes good with peanut butter, jelly, and crackers…I saw you eating some with a graham cracker the other day too. I bet no one's ever even tried adding it to pizza."

I considered the jar. "Whoa…dude…you just might be right! We'll stick it under the cheese, so people can taste its greatness without even knowing what's coming…" I was practically jumping up and down. His logic made sense to me at the time. If Fluff tasted good with four different things already, then why wouldn't it taste good with pizza too?

Oh how very wrong we were. The shape of the pizza when it came out of the oven was strange enough to render Master Splinter a few nervous twitches of his whiskers. Still, he took a bite. And nearly spit it back out in our faces. Needless to say, Raph and Don won that little contest.

Leo was pretty bummed about it though. He kept apologizing to me.

"I'm sorry, Mikey. It was a dumb idea," Leo said mournfully.

"I didn't think it was." I really meant it too. Making that pizza with Leo had been the most fun I'd had all week. For once, I hadn't really cared about actually eating pizza.

"Yeah, but I should've come up with a better idea."

I frowned. I didn't like it when Leo was upset like this. Besides, he was beating himself up over something so silly. I patted him on the shoulder, like he had done to me earlier. "Don't you back out on me now, Leo! The 'Super Amazing Chef Duo' will prevail another day and make the best tasting pizza a turtle could ever eat!"

Leo blinked before smiling softly. "Yeah…I like the sound of that. What should we try next?"

I don't remember how many crazy toppings we tried after that day, but it was fun. And we all learned a valuable life lesson about pizza: never add Fluff.

WHOA.

I think I just set a world record for the loudest belly growl ever.

All this writing about pizza is making me very hungry. I think I might make a run to get some pizza. Hmm…I know there's something I'm supposed to do soon, but I can't remember. My stomach's too loud. Maybe I'll just stay here and forget the pizza.

…

HA! Who am I kidding? I think I'll get extra cheese…

x x x x x

**4:32 PM**

--Note to self--

Never forget about extra training sessions to go get pizza or else you will get stuck with MORE extra sessions and bathroom clean-up duty for a month.

--end note--

x x x x x

**4:38 PM**

…the pizza was still amazing…especially with all the extra cheese.


End file.
